Funnybone Woes

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Why is it that I’m only funny when I don’t have to be?

At first I thought it was just writer’s block. Well, I am writing right now, so apparently it’s not writer’s block. It’s more like a sense-of-humour block.

Here’s the situation: I have to write a humorous creative piece. It could be a skit, a PSA script, a copy for an hypothetical TV ad, or an executive speech. (And yes, even the exec speech has to be humorous.)

Never mind the details on why I “have” to do it. Suffice it to say it’s for a potential and lucrative client. It’s a job (part of it, anyway). And like most other jobs, you don’t ask why; you just do them.

Writing is really not a problem for me. But never before in my young career have I been explicitly asked to be funny. Mind you, I am spontaneously funny in person, so theoretically, being funny on paper shouldn’t be a problem. But you see, never before have I been asked to have to be funny.

Being funny in person VS Being funny on paper… they’re different, for pete’s sake! And being spontaneously funny VS being contrived funny—gawd, that's like apple and orangutan.

You can’t tell me to be funny—I can’t do that! I’m only funny when I’m not trying. I’m only funny when I’m not working.

I’m only funny when I don’t have to be, like when I’m left to my own creative inspired self, unburdened by the material demands of living in a modern, cap****ist society.

I can’t afford to be funny when I’m supposed to be making money! You see, I’m a corporate whore writer. A corporate writer! I’m supposed to be business-minded and straightforward and efficient. I shouldn’t have to be funny. What am I, a comedian?

And besides, I'm not ha! ha! funny. I'm more of a hu! hu! funny. ("Dark" humour, remember? Hello?)

So there. I’ve been staring at a blank page for 2+ hours, and so far I haven’t produced a single funny line for this client. This potential client. Our potential and lucrative client.

I’m having a humour-block. A knot on my funny bone. That part of my brain/spirit/wherever-humour-supposedly-resides is malfunctioning. My clown muse has gone hiding, and I can’t summon her to come out.

And deadline's approaching.

HELP!!!